I would like to share some ideas that I give new parents for dealing with the emotional rollercoaster after the birth of a new child. (I don’t want to deal with the question of what is postpartum depression or does it exist.)
I can think of about three reasons why someone would be depressed after delivering a baby. I am sure there are many other reasons, but these are the three that I often address.
Postpartum hormones are all out of wack!
As a new mother recognize that your hormones have a role in how you feel. Just realizing this can make a difference. “Oh yeah, I know why I am feeling this way! My hormones are doing somersaults.”
You are not getting much sleep!
If you remember, before your baby was born, he liked to wake up and kick you when you went to bed. Sadly, after he is born he still doesn’t know night from day. Instead of kicking, he cries to be fed. (It can take children 4-8 weeks to figure out night and day.) Then when he feeds, efficiency does not characterize his feeding. He feeds, sleeps, feeds, cries, feeds, etc. All of this can mean that you might be feeding your baby for forty five minutes to one and one-half hours in the early days. Then feeding your baby every three hours means that you sleep for an hour or two, then wake to feed the baby again. I don’t know about you, but I get grouchy when I am sleep deprived! On top of that your baby makes at least 8 dirty diapers a day, and needs to be changed frequently. You just can’t get enough sleep.
That is the bad news. The good news is that there may be help for this problem. Many employers allow new fathers to have some time off. Or your mother or mother-in-law may help out. How can they help with sleep? Have someone take the night shift. Dad may get baby and bring him to you to feed, when the baby is done eating dad takes the baby, allowing mom to sleep, and rocks him, cuddles him, or whatever is needed. This may mean that dad sleeps during the day and mom sleeps at night and definitely means dad gets less sleep. If your mother or mother-in-law is there and they want to spend time with the new grand child, great! Let them take the night shift. A couple nights of waking only to feed the baby will really help moms get sleep. Another thing about feeding, babies must learn to nurse. Babies don’t need to spend more than about 30 minutes eating at first and may get to the point where they can get their fill in 10-20 minutes. Help your baby learn to be efficient. If he falls asleep, wake him up, take him off the breast, take the bottle out of his mouth. Don’t allow feeding to take a long time because the bottle or breast is a pacifier. I used to thump the feet, or massage the scalp of my children to keep them awake while they were feeding.
To recap… make feedings efficient (this means that you and the child have to learn this), and have someone take the night shift for a week or two (that way the only thing a new mom does at night is wake enough to feed. No diapers, no changes, no rocking, no cuddling, etc.) These two things will help you get some sleep.
Your house is a mess!
If you are anything like me, you don’t feel real good about life if there is a stack of dishes in the sink, a pile of laundry, sweeping and vacuuming to do, clothes on the floor, etc.
For the first several weeks after birth, decide that the house is not your responsibility. Refuse to feel responsible for it. Instead ask dad, or your mom/ mother-in-law, or friend to help. Focus your energy on your baby, and let others keep your house clean. If others are unable to help, do what you can, recognizing that a messy house and the knowledge of uncompleted chores can be depressing.
To recap, hormones, sleep and unfulfilled responsibilities/messy house can all contribute to down feelings. Recognizing that your hormones affect your mood, getting more sleep, and living in a clean house (somebody else should clean) can help.
Lee, I have appreciated reading your blog. Be encouraged to stick with it.
Left by rpearce on January 27th, 2006