The other day I was working with a patient who was told that her unborn baby had a potentially fatal problem. This was extremely hard for this woman to hear. Her previous child had died of the same illness after being hospitalized in the ICU for months without ever going home. I remember her through tears saying, “I just can’t put another child through that again.”
This incident brought up several issues including termination (abortion), prayer, intentional inaction, heroic measures, health economics and some others.
In the above incident I was one of three doctors involved (the least senior). The other two physicians are not Christian. At least three times this woman was asked if she would consider termination (euphemism for abortion). Three times she said, “I can’t consider that.” Even after she told the physicians that she could not consider termination on religious grounds they asked again. Then when the physician spoke on the phone with her husband (away on business) he again asked about termination.
Abortion is something that as a pediatrician I have strong views about. Normally when I am confronted with it, it is either a young unmarried girl or a situation similar to this. To me this is the easy decision in this case: honor this woman’s desire to carry her baby to term and do not have a hand in actively causing the death. I don’t know why God allowed her to have two heart-breaking experiences, one behind her and one looming in front of her. The amazing thing is that these same doctors would be inclined to do whatever is in their power to keep this child alive after birth, but seem willing to end life by abortion prior.
My heart was broken for this woman and her situation. Sadly, I never had an opportunity to pray with her, but I can pray for her. She claims to be a Christian. I know that God is in control.
She still has a difficult decision in front of her. Should she take her child home and allow the child to die naturally, or should she put her child through an extensive medical intervention process?
It is not as easy as we might imagine. What would I do if God gave me a child that would never be normal, may under the best circumstances live to be a teenager? Who would require ICU care for much of the first year of life, if the child lived that long. Would I ask that everything be done to save my child? What if my child had Trisomy 13 or 18, nearly universally fatal in the first several months? Would I still want everything to be done? Maybe I have a thirteen year old with a chronic illness who has a treatment three times a day that he cries through (the treatment may be prolonging his life). What would I do if he begged me to stop?
The standard thought in our circles is that, “We should do everything in our power to preserve life!” Is this really true? Historically this has been the case, but with the technological advances in medicine, we can keep people alive that 15-25 years ago we wouldn’t even have known what to do to keep them alive. Should cost be a factor in our decisions?
If my child had severe congenital heart disease he might have a 60% chance of living to his 7th birthday. That may entail three open heart surgeries (each one costing about 4-5 IQ points) and countless thousands of dollars. Not to mention a lifetime of medicine, again not cheap. He may not be able to exercise at more than a walk without being short of breath. Surgeries, IVs, and all of the invasive procedures can be exceedingly painful. Financially it may cost society over half a million dollars. Eventually, he may need a heart transplant or may live to his second or third decade.
As parents we have the responsibility to make the choices concerning our children. At some point, I have to ask myself am I doing this for my child or for myself? “Billy, this next surgery is going to be painful, you may not live, and if you do you will not be as smart, but it is in your best interest.” Fifty years ago this child would have been handed to his mother. We would have been told “We don’t know how long he will live, maybe days, weeks, or months, but nothing can be done. Take your child home, love him, and care for him. We will help you keep him comfortable.”
Maybe this is still sometimes the right answer in these days of technological marvels in preserving life. The question is not what can we do? But what should we do? Why are we taking these measures to “save” this life? Are we saving this life for us, for them, to bring glory to God? I don’t have the answer. Thankfully it is not a decision I have had to make for my children yet. Conversely, why would I allow this child to pass “naturally”? Is it because I don’t want a child with multiple and severe mental and physical disabilities, because I can’t take it, or is it that I don’t think it is compassionate to do “everything?” Which is right? I think this is where it is necessary to claim the verse, “that if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.”
The next medical milestone or technological advance may not be the right answer.
I believe that at some point our society is going to have to make some of these decisions on a financial basis as well as moral and ethical grounds. Maybe more on this later.
This brings to mind the decision making process of whether to go forward with our first adoption. Having three biological children already, many folks thought it was crazy to try and adopt more. We prayed and prayed, talked, thought, and prayed some more about this decision. One evening I was driving alone in our van, thinking about whether we should go forward with the adoption or not. Suddenly, the thought of judgement day came to my mind, and I could “see” myself (not like a vision - more like a thought) standing before the Lord. He was asking me, “Why did you NOT try to adopt these children of mine?” My answers were lame, personal and self focused. The reasons ran along the lines of, “I am not sure I could handle more children, we don’t have all the money for the adoption right now, I am not sure if I have the energy for five children or not…” You get the picture. I suddenly realized that I was not trusting God to answer all of those concerns. He was the One who could equip me, if the adoption was His will. That evening I decided to go forward with the adoption, trusting Him to make it work if those children were meant to be in our home.
How does this apply to your subject? Well, I understand the financial concerns and the impact these sick children have on our society, but cannot God use them also to His glory? (We have such a wonderful testimony of how He provided financially for that adoption.) If we make the decision to terminate their lives, or to not provide them with medical care, are we taking away opportunities for God to reach other people through their lives? A parent taking care of a terminally ill child has numerous opportunities to talk to folks in the medical community on a regular basis. What a wonderful place to share the Light of the Lord! Just the other day there was an article in our hometown newspaper about a child who was not expected to live past a year old. She had recently died at the age of 14, having brought much love to her family, friends, and medical community.
God works through trials and struggles. This is clearly stated many times in the Bible. A situation that we may consider tragic, allows Him more opportunities to reach into people’s lives than a “normal” situation would. Of course, God does not NEED these opportunities. He is a great and awesome God. He does choose to work through struggles and challenges as well (if not even more so) as the good times, though. His perspective on things is not the same as ours. He sees the big picture and we see such a small part of our tiny lives in this fleeting moment on earth.
Like you, I don’t have all the answers. As I personally struggle with numerous medical concerns, I see how God often uses them to allow me to reach folks for Him, though. I have opportunities to talk to folks that I would not have if I were healthy. Perhaps someday I will have the testimony of how God healed my afflictions, but in the meantime I pray that I will be allowed to serve him through whatever means He chooses. If a parent can best serve Him through caring for a terminally ill child, then may all the glory go to the Lord!! How can we NOT choose to care for the least of these, God’s children? The final outcome is in His hands.
Left by ramonamom on December 10th, 2005