ADHD¹: So Whose Fault Is It?

Before we start calling parents of those with ADHD bad parents, we need to stop and think about some of the implications of what we discussed in “What Causes ADHD?”

First of all, there is likely a large genetic component to the traits that make up what we call ADHD. Secondly, parenting styles may significantly contribute to ADHD. Just because your kids don’t have ADHD doesn’t mean you are a wonderful parent, and just because your kids do have ADHD doesn’t mean you are an abject failure as a parent. Some children with ADHD would not have ADHD given better parenting, and some children with perfect parenting would still have ADHD. Each child has a unique set of God-given challenges. Each parent has the God-given ability to deal with these challenges. There are some children whom, I believe, God has not given me the grace to rear. He has thankfully not given these children to me. He promises never to give us anything that He doesn’t also give us the grace to handle.

In his book Taking Charge of ADHD,² Russell Barkley (considered the expert in the field of ADHD) discusses the genetic and apparently familial nature of ADHD. He states that these children elicit different responses from their parents compared to children without ADHD. He asks the question, “Is it the mother’s fault that the child is acting this way, or is it the child’s fault that the mother is reacting this way?” His answer is that he believes it is the child’s fault that the mother is reacting in a certain way. He goes on to state that researchers gave Ritalin to children with ADHD and observed the mother’s behavior toward the children. Neither the mothers nor the children knew when Ritalin was being used. He noticed that when behavior is controlled with Ritalin, the mother’s behavior toward the children was much less negative. His conclusion was that the parenting that people felt caused ADHD was actually a symptom of and ADHD child.

I don’t totally agree with Dr. Barkley. No where in the Bible does God say to parents, “Fathers don’t provoke your children to anger, except when they are difficult.” God doesn’t allow parents to sinfully react to their difficult children. Do parents handle children with ADHD differently? Yes. Is this differential treatment a result of ADHD or does it contribute to ADHD? Possibly both. Parenting a child with ADHD is potentially an extremely difficult endeavor, perhaps impossible without the grace of God. Those parents who have been blessed to have this type of spiritual challenge to their faith and trust in the sufficiency of God, have a responsibility to respond Biblically to their children. To those of us who have not been given this type of challenge in regard to our child rearing, we need to be careful not to be judgmental.

For those of you who have children who are hyperactive, distractible, impulsive, and inattentive, it is important that you evaluate your parenting for inconsistency, disorganization, impulsivity, and carelessness. It is also paramount that you diligently seek God for wisdom in dealing with your children. It may be that the way to rear your child is not considered “normal” by the world’s standards. Your child might learn very well as you read to him and he runs around the room instead of sitting quietly in your lap. Just because this is not the societal norm doesn’t mean it is wrong. For some children telling them to fold their hands and sit still in church is like telling them not to breathe. In this case, allowing them to keep their hands busy during church in a non-distracting manner might help them “sit still” and in fact concentrate on the sermon. Some children may need help keeping on task with an egg timer, or gentle reminders about what they are doing. You don’t have to rear your children the way society tells you to, but you do have to rear them Biblically.

Those of us who don’t have children with ADHD may be able to “get away” with some of the “parenting deficiencies” that would cause problems with ADHD children. We need to be careful not to assume that because someone has a child with ADHD that they are a poor parent. Just because our child doesn’t have ADHD doesn’t mean we don’t have these same problems that are more apparent in these children. It may be that the effect is not as noticeable in our children. Likely, God has given us other challenges to work on. When you see someone with a “challenging child” pray for them that God will give them wisdom and insight into their child and their child rearing, and humbly evaluate your own parenting for blind spots and deficiencies.

One of these days I will get to diagnosis and treatment.

1. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The term ADD is no longer used. Instead clinicians are using: ADHD inattentive type, ADHD hyperactive type, ADHD combined type. ADD probably best fits with ADHD inattentive type. [back]
2. Barkley Russell A. Ph.D. Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete Authoritative Guide for Parents. New York,NY:The Guilford Press;1995:70-73 [back]

Posted by Lee Brock on Thursday, December 1st, 2005 at 4:49 pm.